I confronted Joe when he woke up and came downstairs.

So you guys probably saw that my brother went and trashed dad's tomatoes. 

If you read that post you know how livid I was.

If you read the update you know I wrote that while fairly drunk. Joe was out shopping with my mom and sister and I was stuck brooding alone.

You know, I tried to eat the tomatoes even though they were smooshed?

I was so goddamned angry and hurt that Joe did that. After I drank mom's tequila I went out to clean it up, and when I saw it I couldn't stop shaking. I had been looking forward to those tomatoes.

I scooped up some of the gunk and tried to eat it, but it was covered in dirt and bits of crud.

It smelled delicious but I couldn't bring myself to put it in my mouth.

Those tomatoes ended up going to waste and it was NOT my fault.

Joe will pay for that.

Today when he came downstairs, I rushed him and pinned him against the wall and asked him, "Why did you do it?"

That little, sniveling punk piece of shit seemed proud. Gloating.

So I laid into him. My mom heard the commotion and ran to break us up.

She made us both sit down and "talk it out."

Fuck that. Talk it out? Joe deserves a serious asswhooping.

Joe was still smiling. He showed her where I hit him- he was trying to get me in trouble. I don't think I've ever wanted claws as badly as I did then. I kept thinking about how he died in my book, and thinking that stupid, shit eating grin of his would disappear pretty fucking quick if mom wasn't there to stop me.

I asked him again why, and he shrugged. Just shrugged!

I wanted him to drop dead.

I told him he was a little bitch, mom told me to watch it.

I still can't understand, or even believe, that she is siding with him over all this bullshit!

But she did try to make him answer.

She said something like 'Joe, your actions have clearly upset your brother, and he deserves an explanation.'

And Joe told me he did it because the garden was "stupid". Stupid?!

I told him the garden was the only thing we had left of dad.

Mom said some idiotic, fluffy bullshit about how we had eachother, and that dad lives on in each of us kids.

Joe accused me of spending no time with the family because I'm just 'obsessed' with the garden.

FUCK HIM!

I told him the garden mattered because I had good memories of working there with dad, and he could have had the same if he'd actually followed through on his word like that time when he said he'd garden with us if dad asked... and then backed out.

What he said next was unforgivable. He said "Dad was an awful father." He said if dad was a good dad at all he'd have made it a point to spend time with us. Joe said we shouldn't have had to garden in order to spend time with dad. He said dad never gave a shit about any of us and that meant he didn't have to give a shit about dad, or the garden.

I'm still stunned that he said that. Dad was an awful father? There was nothing I could say.

Now, after the fact I'm thinking clearly. Dad was a great dad. He worked hard all our lives to feed us and keep us housed. The garden was an interest and a chore, and he repeatedly asked us to join him for two reasons: one he wanted help with work that helped the whole family, and two he wanted to spend time with us- period!

The fact that Joe can't see that is just insane.

But at the time of our "conversation" all I could do was tell him he was an idiot.

He said he hoped all the plants shriveled up and died. I told him to take it back.

...Of course he didn't.

I told him it was fucking shitty of him to ruin something I had worked hard on.

He said, "dad was a shitty father, and you are a shitty brother."

Mom said "that's enough." she sent Joe to his room, and then gave me a talking to about how 'Joe needs a good role model', and 'Joe's hurting too', and a some of other mopey shit, but  it was all stupid.

As of today, JOE IS MY WORST ENEMY. I've said before I wouldn't care if he died... Well now I wish him a painful death.

And mom shouldn't be siding with him, she's an adult she should know better.... If she's not with me she's against me.

The only person in this family I don't hate is my sister.

But I'm afraid that she'll turn out just like Joe because my dad is gone and my mom is the only one left to raise her.

We are all utterly fucked.