Did you know there are dead wasps in the figs we eat?
(I suggest you read this post in David Attenborough's voice)
They are quite tasty.
But the real fun in eating them comes from the morbid. The plant itself, and the flower specifically (yeah, not a fruit apparently) is a death trap for fig wasps. And their insides remind me of animal guts.
When the fig wasp (wikipedia) tries to enter a female fig, it works it's way through a small opening. It's a tight fit and a grueling journey.
The fig wasp sheers off her crumpled antennae and ruined wings in the process. She pushes on in the hopes of finding fertile plant ovaries, in which to deposit her eggs.
Unfortunately for her, the longer female flowers and male flowers do not present her with a suitable nest for her eggs. She is left too broken and depleted to dig her way back out. The fig she fought so hard to enter becomes her tomb.
In the battle to gain entry, however, she shares pollen picked up from the fig she emerged from. The fig develops fully. During this process it produces an enzyme which dissolves the exoskeleton of the poor, foolish fig wasp.
Now if she had gained entry into a short female flower, she'd have laid her eggs, and instead of ripening into a delicious flower, it would have ripened into a squirming brood of wasp larvae.
Interesting stuff!
Anyway, my mom picked up some figs from the grocery store. I had never eaten them before, but I've had fig newtons, so... I figured what the hell, I'll try them.
I cut one open... i'm pretty sure the art team for Stranger Things looked at one of these before they designed their demogorgon.
The inside was red and squiggly, and looked just like guts. So that gave me an idea.
Keeping in the gruesome spirit of fig ecology, I made myself a fig avatar.
I named him Cyril Ficus, but you can pronounce it however you want.
Anyway, he reminded me of a rodent I once knew, so... Here he is getting squeezed:
Never thought you'd see fig gore did you?
Well, it's actually kind of a good representation of the real thing.
When a small animal get stomped, it creates a lot of pressure in the guts, and in the skull. Why wouldn't the red come out the mouth and eyes?
This one's less realistic but still kinda satisfying:
I posted more videos on insta if you are the kinda person who's never satisfied: https://www.instagram.com/p/B1q0budBOYe/
Anyway, I hope if you see some figs in the store you give them a try. Morbidity aside, they are actually VERY yummy.
Eat some.
And if you don't like this post. Just figit about it.
