First beet harvest of the year!

A little on the small side, but everybody knows babies are more tender.
I found and killed more than 10 snails while harvesting these.

I brought them in to wash, and started to rack my brain for a way to cook them without Joe finding out.

You already know he's a fucking mooch. 

And you know beets are my favorite. They were dads favorite too. No chance I'd be willing to share them with that shit hole. 

So I was brainstorming ways to keep my beets out of Joe's mouth-

And then look what I found in the sink while I was washing the greens!

A baby piece of shit snail.

The imagery of this picture really struck me. A snail so small it was hard to notice, on a endless journey. It was traversing the rim of a soaking pot, with nowhere to go beside this endless circular path- on it's left the stagnant water in the pot, on it's right the certain death of being flushed down the drain with all the other dirt and food scraps.

I had just spent a lot effort hunting those little bastards. But seeing this one locked in an endless, and pointless struggle made me chuckle. 

And then I found another, on one of the greens!

And it also gave me a fucking brilliant idea- a way to make Joe run the other way. 

I called Joe in and showed him the snail crawling on the rim, and the one that was sliming up the leaf. 

Now, Joe is a complete piece of shit. Everybody knows that. But what you don't know is he's also a bit of a germaphobe. When I showed him the first snail his face went green. When I showed him the one on the lettuce I thought he might puke. 

I said "You know Joe, it's perfectly safe to eat. I think I washed most of the snails and the slime off anyway, but even if I didn't they're harmless. You won't even notice them in your food." 

Then I showed him a leaf that had been ravaged by the little 

fuckers: 

While he was standing there, I rinsed this one off and
threw it in the frying pan with the rest. 

He was just looking at the simmering food, and kinda swaying back and forth. So I pushed him a it, I told him, "I know it was wrong of me to refuse to let you eat the peas I grew. So I'm gonna make it up to you now. Once these are done cooking, I'll dish you up some. How much you want?"

 He grimaced and shook his head. He told me, "No thanks Al, I'm not feeling super hungry right now. More for you."

I can't believe how easy it was to trick that little shit punk. 

Now back to the snails. Normally I kinda get a little kick from smooshing them, or flicking them really hard at the siding of the house to watch them splat... But this little guy had helped me save my beets from a much larger pest, so he earned a second chance at life. 

I let him go.

Don't sweat it though, I'll probably catch him next time I weed.

Speaking of weeding, do you want a garden update?

I know you do. 

Tomatoes are fruiting.

I hope these ones turn out better than last year. 

Cukes are blossoming all over the place, and they've got small little fruits. Can't wait to try them!

I was surprised how prickly they are!

One day, you may be a pickle. 

Artichokes haven't even blossomed yet, neither have the peppers, and I'm getting worried....

But not too worried. Because I had a major win today, thanks to that little snail. 

I got to enjoy the beets dad and I grew, without having to share any with that dipshit Joe. 

Oh! I almost forgot, you probably wanna know how I made them. 

Well, I drew inspiration from Dad's citrusy beets, But I didn't have any oranges, only orange juice. 

So I boiled the beets and cinnamon sticks in orange juice. They came out tender, sweet, and delicious! 

Did the beet greens like my Dad's other recipe, but added cranberries instead of nuts. (Same reason I had to adapt the no oranges recipe)

EDIT
I forgot to upload the pictures of the beets n' orange juice.

Sorry. Here it is:

Beets cooking in orange juice. 

AAAANNND:

Strain the beets out and then you have a hot orange/ beet juice beverage.
Super yummy.