PATRIOTIC PARODIES: Trump failed to color the flag correctly... Nobody knows why. Here's the anthem and the pledge, as Trump would say them if he were honest.

EDIT: Trump is a dick

This post contains: unexplained videos of Donald Trump incorrectly shading a US flag coloring page... A full on linkstorm of trump quotes with data analysis form a wide range of sources, AND three patriotic parodies- written by me with the president's bad behavior in mind.

*I know people might get mad at me for getting political... But my dad is a lifelong republican and even he hates Donald Trump- so I think these criticisms and parodies are well informed. 

ENJOY 

Trump's artistic rendering of Old Glory: MAGA!

BIG news! Trump has redesigned the US FLAG!

If you want proof he drew it: Official video from the white house... check the 30 second mark.

So... I don't know why trump used blue and brown markers to color in the stripes...

Was it actually a mistake? Does Trump really not know how to color the US flag? Even Snopes doesn't know...

Some people have suggested its a nod to the "thin blue line" stuff. Well the blue is in the wrong spot, and.... either way, that still doesn't explain the brown.

Benefit of the doubt- maybe he was coloring these incorrectly for some unknown symbolic reason, or maybe it was like when Billy Madison wets his pants- one of the other kids messed up, so he thought that if he messed up too the kid would feel less embarrassed........



Yeah, I know that was a reach.

Either way it's certainly strange that Trump colored the flag in the wrong way.

Some people will say trump has disrespected the US flag by messing up the coloring... I'm not saying that, because every US citizen has the legal right to destroy their property (flags included)... out of protest or even for shits and giggles.

But I am saying that he's disrespected the US flag (or rather, the values it symbolizes) each and every time he's farted in the face of american ideals as they've been explained to us in the Bill of Rights.

But I will say that trump has disrespected the US flag (freedom of speech and right to protest) by saying that any player who kneels during the anthem is a "son of a bitch" who oughta be taken "off the field."

He's disrespected the flag (free press) when he said that any negative polls are fake news, and when he barred certain media from press briefings, even blacklisting certain press agencies....

He disrespected the flag (freedom of/from religion) every time he: supported muslim bans or registries, every time he generalized muslims as terrorists, every time he implied Islamic ideologies are incompatible US values, and most recently, when he urged christian evangelical leaders to tell their followers to vote republican...

He disrespected the flag (veterans and the armed services) when he gave a very boastful memorial day speech and when he said McCain wasn't a hero BECAUSE he was captured...

He disrespected the flag (right to due process ALL criminal cases) by streamlining the detention and deportation of illegal immigrants- without using judges or courts.

He disrespected the flag (all of us- the people) by promoting divisive inflammatory, racist, and sexist language, by censoring or otherwise impeding scientific agencies, by implying that criticism of him is "unamerican," by pushing reforms and tax breaks which disproportionately benefit corporate powers more than the working class americans, and by frequently challenging our constitutional rights.... and shitting on the laws which set up necessary checks and balances.

It doesn't really matter that trump colors the flag like this:

Small Potatoes

....That's pretty minor compared to the big old pile of bullshit he's dropping on the underlying values which the flag supposedly represents.

I know everybody reading this is probably thinking, "Alex, you are a sixteen year old kid, what the fuck do you know?"

Well I know democrats have shitty candidates too, and that many of the bad things trump is doing have been done by other presidents before.

But I also know that doesn't justify what he's doing, (especially his support for the human rights violations going on against children) And that trump has convinced his followers that he's more of a patriot than he really is... I know that trump doesn't care about the little people as much as he cares about himself... AGAIN, my dad is a hardcore republican and even he hates Trump.

I know that trump is... bad. It's hard to narrow in on only one issue regarding trumps "badness" because he's so thoroughly... bad.

I wanted to post some more links to all the very bad shit he's done... But I think any of his supporters who read this will think I'm just eating up "fake news." so instead, here's some sources that analyze the veracity of his comments and tweets: (SPOILER ALERT, he is a prolific liar)

https://www.politifact.com/personalities/donald-trump/

https://www.factcheck.org/person/donald-trump/

https://www.aclu.org/issues/executive-branch/donald-trump-year-one




And now, inspired by trumps strange redesign of the United States flag, I offer parodies: The Pledge of Allegiance, God Bless America, and The Star Spangled Banner... all "redesigned" to better represent Trump's particular brand of respect.

The Pledge, in two verses, as Trump would say it if he were honest:

I pledge allegiance to myself, 

not the United States of America- 

nor to the republic on which I stand, 

one nation under me- now divisible 

with liberty and justice far gone.

AND

I pledge irreverence to the flag 

of the divided states of america... 

And the general public, on which I stand, 

The population- except for me- expendable

with trickery and malice for the small.

----------------------

Sung to the tune of the Star Spangled Banner... I know its only one verse, but I heard trump doesn't know the words anyway and I didn't want the parody to sound too unrealistic.

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light

What so plainly I failed, the children's task- coloring?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars I cannot color right,

Though the children I watched did a better job than me?

Put a blue stripe right here, and a brown burst right there,

Gave proof that I might give our flag not a care.

Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave

O'er a land made for me and the home of the slaves

----------------------

Sung to the tune of "God Bless America," but in Trump's whiny, condescending tone

Guileless America, sheep that I love

I'll divide her then guide her

To the right, the far right with a shove

I'll shit mountains of dishonesties

Till she holds them as her own

Gullible America, my bull shit grows.

God-less America, land I'm above

Stand astride her and deny her

All her rights with no fight from above

I hear only condemnations 

From the nations round the globe

but here in America, I'm overgrown

God bless America, the land I own

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Well... I know I can't change anything, but venting about the POSOTUS has made me feel a little better about the anxiety I've got right now... I'm dealing with some family drama the past couple days... I'm still worried about how that will play out, but it was nice to think about something else for a while. Thank you donald for entertaining and distracting me. Please exile yourself.