I FINALLY FIGURED IT ALL OUT....

I've been a fuckign mess all day.

Headache. My eyes are dry....

I couldn't sleep at all last night. I finished writing my book, so i should feel great. I should feel proud. But I'm still so fucking messed up over what my shitbrain brother did to mine and dad's tomatoes.

I spent over an hour last night just rereading the chapter where the "coyote" kills Joe Jones...

And I pictured my brother getting torn and shredded.

Imagining him just a mess of blood. Imagining him in pain and fear.

And it was nice. But just not enough. And you know what happened today??

I went on reddit and posted about my finished book.

HATERS came out of the woodwork to tell me I was a rapist, an animal abuser, and a psychopath. Fuck them! They slander me at every turn!!!

Look at this comment:

Well I gave that guy a piece of my mind.

Because Joe is a piece of garbage. And the only reason mom comes to his defense- the only reason she loves him more than me is because she's a stupid fuckign idiot! She was NEVER good enough for dad, and neither her nor Joe are good enough for the garden.

I'm the only one who understands they are trash.

And arguing with that guy, I had a bit of an epiphany.

I have two things I'm responsible for: taking care of dad's garden, and protecting it from pests that want to damage his vegetables.

Most of the time the pests are just fucking rodents.

But Joe... He did more damage to the garden than any squirrel ever has. OR ever could do!

And I remembered I made a promise to myself that I'd get Joe to help in the garden. It didn't work, because Joe is a piece of shit with no integrity.

He will NEVER help me with the actual work- but that doesn't mean he can't still help with the garden in a very direct way. Like the other pests- that I've composted.


The garden is gonna be fertile as fucking hell next year. 

Mom and Joe are gonna fuckign help the only way they FUCKING can- by feeding the dirt. 
The only regret I'll have is that my sister has to be a part of this. She's too young to know better, and none of this is her fault.