I can't not look... UPDATED

Guys... I found an open file on my computer... My dad's will.

It's tough for me to post about this, and maybe I shouldn't, but this whole thing is giving me a lot of anxiety.

You already know that he said he was working on it, but its worse to see the actual file.

I'm goign to read it... And see what his... plans are.

I know I shouldn't- its probably going to make me a whole lot more upset, and he might not want me to see it- but I don't think I can live with not knowing what he's writing in there.

UPDATE...

So, I read through the whole thing- more than once.

And I have a problem with what he wrote... And it isn't what you are thinking! I don't care how dad divides his belongings, I don't give a damn who gets what!

It's not greedy shit like that, at all.

The thing that really bothers me is how he says he wants to handle his remains... more specifically- WHERE he wants to be buried.

He wrote that he'd like to be buried by the cheapest possible arrangements, in whatever cemetery is closest. He specifically wrote:

"I do not wish my remains to be handled in a way which causes my family undue financial burden, or which causes ecological burden on the ecosystem. Any funerary arrangements should adhere to these two ideals: sensible budgeting and minimal environmental impact. I do not wish to be embalmed, and I do not wish to be buried in a casket unless it is cheap and biodegradable- with the full intention that my body be allowed to decompose naturally and thus return its nutrients to the earth. Please make the arrangements at whichever cemetery is closest to our home."

Well thats what my dad SAID, and while I think its all mostly the truth... I know that he didn't say everything he wanted to.

I've been gardening with him, I've spent enough time with him to know how much he loves that space.

I also know how much it hurts him that the family doesn't show the garden teh same reverence....

At the same time, he wants to avoid any conflict with them or between them... BUT I KNOW- without a doubt- that if he coudl say what he truly felt he would absolutely make known his intention to be buried in the garden!

I think he is afraid the family will be offended or something if he emphaasizes the garden this way after he... you know... if he dies.

Think about its obvious: he stated he wants to be buried "closest to our home" in a way that his body can "return its nutrients to the earth," and what better way to feed the earth than to feed the little patch of garden which has been feeding us????

Not to mention it'd be a money saver and he made a point of mentioning that too.

I don't know what to do, but I want to tell dad that he should write exactly what he wants in his will, even if it'll piss off mom and the others.

SECOND UPDATE:

CONFESSION.......I just changed dad's will. He signed it without looking.